My Life (original isn't it?)

Uhhhhhhh................





Dear Andrew,

This is not a good letter to receive, and it certainly does not feel good to tell you that you are not on our short-list for the Hunter MFA.

There were 330 applications for our 8 places, and in a fair world you would all get a personal letter, an explanation, and appraisal, but there are just too many of you. The standard of applications was very, very high. Almost all of you are working at a level that will get you in a good MFA program. Alas, it will not be ours.

Colum McCann, Nathan Englander and I talked for hours about these decisions. The truth, as we all know, is that literature is not a horse race, and the idea of finding the eight best is ridiculous - except that we have these eight places.

It is a tough world when you write a perfect letter and still get this rejection, and many of your personal statements were perfect -- funny, self-effacing, moving. Our sincere apologies for all the hurt that this rejection causes.

Thank you to everyone who came to our open house. Thank you for your courage and your enthusiasm. We look forward to your books and your stories. We will celebrate with you.

Best wishes,

Peter Carey
Executive Director, MFA Creative Writing


WTF?!! Was this guy fuckin stoned when he wrote this? Definitely among the most retarded rejections I've received.

Yep, it's cold. As hell.

Nothin' really new -- jus same old shiz. Still waitin for grad school responses.. i highly doubt that anything good will come out of applyin since the program is so excruciatingly painful to get into. and then i pretty much wont have a job.. woooooo. yes.

i applied to nyc teaching fellows-- go thru a teaching program for 2 months over the summer and then teach hs english or esl starting in september. maybbee that will get me somewhere.

i shall hope for positive newsss...

in the meantime, im chillaxin with some mcdonalds and cupcakes. and a beer, cause i love beer and cupcakes.

Been awhile once again.

I've pretty much been reclusive and not gone on AIM, posted any posts anywhere, etc.

Anyways.

Halloween is friday! which is awesome.

I got my devil costume all set. It's called a "dashing devil." 'Cause I'm fucking dashing. Quite expensive but worth it.

And umm. hmm. lots of work goin' on. . lots offff.. not remembering shit. lots offf... not caring.

mhm.

applyin' to some grad schools! all of em are in nyc/long island. applyin to around 8 or so.. hoping to get into one of em.. don't think that's askin for too much.

took the GRE a couple of days ago.. which is jus' like the SAT but 287237738x harder (specially the verbal) and its for grad school. it sucks. its a computerized test so your eyes feel like theyre gonna bleed after u take it.. lookin at a screen for four hours is harsh. and umm.. another awesome thing about computerized tests is that you see your score immediately after you take it.

math=did surprisingly well.
verbal= we're not gunna go there.

also, i forgot to mention that my comp. totally froze during my verbal section. YUP. froze. it took them 5 min. to unfreeze it and i lost 5 minutes of testing time (the verbal section is only 30 min. and theres 30 questions.. half of which are long ass reading passages). so the testing company can fuck themselves.

but i'm still giving in and taking it again next month. whoopie. another 140 bucks lost to a corporation that loves to fuck ppl over.

and.. yea.

cant wait for halloween.

and... uhh..

i wanna see saw 5 really really bad.

and..

i have a paper due tomorrow.

FUCK.

and..

life sucks.

and..

grad school sucks..

and..

i wanna have some sesame chicken.

yum..

my job at the radio station is like slave labor.. 7.25 an hr?!?! but i actually get to write stuff for the station which is neat-o.

my life is boring so im gunna be outttt.

payce.

Yo, it's the livejournal world.

Totally awesome.

I sounded like an idiot in my last entry.

Which was over a yr ago.

Hard to believe.

Anyway..I think it's pretty cool to go back to your old entries and see how stupid you were. It's a good chance to reflect.. and shit.

So what's been going on w. me the past yr.?

Hm.

Lotsa...sex. Not of the buttsex variety, not really into finding a present on my tool. But of the vaginal intercourse variety. Totally awesome. I'll just leave it at that.

By the way I saw a site online where guys have a fetish of fucking nostrils. They actually try to stick their dick into a girl's nostril. Might be painful.. just an assumption. If I wanted boogers on my dick I could easily wipe my own nose on it... I guess.

Hmm..

Oh yeah.


I watched two girls one finger. HOLY SHITDS ND VNV FDNV SDV. Holy shit, son. Wow. I was nauseous, borderline barfing. Watch it.
I dare ya. :).

andddd..
I smell like chlorine. Cause guess what?! I went swimmin.

I guess you can say its been a rather uneventful year.

Well not really, but I wouldn't really know where to begin. Too much stuff to say.

So I guess the main theme of the past year issssssssss..
...I hate to say it but ....sex.

And remember, not of the butt variety.


And of course, don't be a fool, wrap your goddamn tool.

PAYCEE.

so i just got back from being out..

my friends and i were in a pizza place on 188th around 1:30 in the morning.

i look out of the window randomly at some girl standing on the corner talking to her friends.. her wallet is visible.

this guy comes out of nowhere and attacks her. she falls the ground and realizes that her purse and her wallet was missing.. the guy bolts up the street.

my friends and i bolt out of the pizza place and the girl is screamin' and cryin' and yelling to get him.

we run after him..

one of my friends catches up to him... and tries to bring him down..

he pulls out a knife.

i got a small cut.. cut wasn't anything major but i was scared as hell.

one of my friends falls and theres blood on his shirt. we think he might have a concussion. he's prob. going to the hospital tomorrow.

guy runs off... we lose him.

we go back to the hysterical girl and call the police.

police come... write a police report etc.

drunken rampage starts to ensue across the street along with fights.

friends and i decide to call it a night and we start to walk back... random homeless guy starts to follow us and is begging for money.. we ignore him.. he keeps following.. we start walking faster.. he starts to walk faster.. he's lookin' very sketchy.

finally we reach campus.


ontop of all of that, there was a big electrical fire in one of the dorm buildings during the huge rainstorm today. couple of rooms in the building were destroyed. ppl were evacuated.. the power is still off i think so ppl have to find other places to live...

if i seem sorta nonchalant about this whole mess its b/c i dont think its really sunk in yet.

It's very hard to write this but I feel as though there will be some closure. I feel as though I am living in a dream. My grandma passed away at 9:30 tonight-- thankfully it was peaceful. I can honestly say that she was one of the most amazing people that I have ever known-- she never thought about herself and always, no matter what the circumstance, put others first. She is the reason why I'm allowed to have a career at Fordham. She was the reason why my mom was able to originally buy this apartment 22 years ago. She is the reason why we have a car. She has helped out in so many ways and I honestly can't imagine my family getting by without her. "I just want to see everyone happy," was her favorite phrase-- even in the darkest of times, she would hold my hand and make me promise her that I'd be happy. In the last few days of her life, my mom was at the hospital for hours on end and all my grandma could think about was the family. She insisted that my mom leave and spend time with us-- she insisted that she'd be ok to be alone at the hospital. But my mom never left her side and my grandma's last words were "i love you meg".

I know that God will be as gracious and generous to you as you were to us. Sit back and relax now... you don't have to worry anymore about my headaches. I'm fine now-- I've taken some Tylenol.

allrighttt.
so.
hmm.

school sucks, and so on and so forth. i don't think that needs to be mentioned... i think im gunna drop my greek mythology class (yes, its past the drop deadline so im prob. gunna get in big trouble) but the repercussions of dropping it late is prob. 10X better than the grade i would end up with.
**edit** just found out i can't drop it. i'm screwed. woo.

sort of a sad situation isnt it .

i hate awkward situations with professors too.. my philosophy prof. stopped me the other day and was like "oh hey, albert! looking foward to seeing u in class!".. see, that would be nice and all .. but.. my name isn't albert :(.
but it was sorta funny 'cause he came in completely stoned to class today. he also made these weird comments about being an alcoholic. how come every philosophy prof, ive had is always completely stoned. this should definitely be explored more in depth.

in other news, im in the process of getting tix for the colbert report.. sooo f'in excited... im pissin' in my pants excited.. not even joking.. my pants are currently damp.

i got a new neighbor... boo. he moved in randomly to the room across the hallway.. i got so used to that room being quiet. not any longer .. fkjhnb.
.. and my next door neighbors are those kind of kids that think theyre GREAT at playing the guiar-- like theyre a gift from god. but theyre horrible. extremely horrible. and they insist on playing in front of my window at 2 am on a weekday night.

luckily matt is a wrestler so he'll take care of it. but that doesn't mean that i cant kick ass. . i did have to get out of an interesting situation on fordham rd the other day.. ill leave that situation alone.

i got the three cheese blend from KFC and it was delicious but towards the end, i started feeling sick.. theres only so much cheese a skinny bastard can handle. sure enough i had heartburn the entire day after that shit.


after .. lets see.. one.. two......... three... 10 (?) yes, 10 months of being single i think the streak is over.. nothing really official and to be honest, im sort of scared to making anything official.. i actually enjoyed being single. i met so many ppl and did things i couldnt do if i were in a relationship.. and yeahh.. thats something else that i'll leave alone.

anyway.

paycE niGs

alright.. so. i'm here in the library when i could be in my room right now.

why am i in the library?

well, its simple.

im locked out of my room.

my roommate forgot his keys at home over the weekend and thus isn't going to have them for the entire week so he's basically dependant on me to let him into the room.


so you ask: what is the problem, andrew? you have the keys and so everything is fine, right?

wrong.

in a wild turn of events, i just lost them. i don't know why. i don't know how. all i know is that god hates me.

sooo... expect a super sneaky james bond-ish operation to be occuring later.... the only way back in is to climb.


wish us well.


that is all.

So I come back to my room, flick on the TV, and there's this huge frenzy about a plane crash... "yankee pitcher dies..." is across the screen, so naturally i'm shocked and sad.

the news anchors said that it was, in fact, a tragic event and they sent one quick comment to his family.. but then.. that dumbass of a news anchor says, "but oh boy, think about all of that spoiled food... that plane caused a huge power outage and its a shame that all that food will spoil.." .... then they went out on the street and interviewed a few people..

"to be honest, im just happy that i can get back into my apartment.. i didn't have any damage which was lucky.."
another person..
"haha oh man, looks like the power will be out for a little while.."

NO FUCKING SHIT, A PLANE JUST SLAMMED INTO YOUR FUCKING BUILDING YOU FUCKING IDIOT. WHY DON'T YOU STOP WORRYING ABOUT YOURSELF AND THINK ABOUT THOSE WHO DIED YOU FUCKING JACKASS.

i just hope that if i ever become a news reporter, i won't be forced to be as fake and idioic as the reporters i saw today. if i am forced, ill quit.

the whole thing is a bit of a shock, and i'm sure the yankees will miss him alot.

in other news..

the evanescence concert was amazing of course. i was like 2 ft away from the stage and could touch amy if i wanted to-- but i didnt feel like being arrested. the guiarist threw out his pick and the drummer threw out his stick and i caught the pick. its signed on the back and shiny and shiz. there was a weird guy behind me in line though.. i was like.. uhh.. go.. away. the warm-up band was pretty good too. all in all a good night.. kelly said a few things that i wont repeat.. lol.. i dont think she was drunk though.

anyway.


i have mad work.

peace.

alright, so here i am.

its kinda late and I should be doing work, but since i dont really care it's not getting done..
for now.

anyway, school sucks. yadda yadda. fordham gave us our class rankings (so far) and let me say a few things:
#1- RANKINGS ARE DUMB. I've thought this ever since I entered high school.. i HATED the bitches that started freaking out that they were ranked 10 or 11 instead of 1. FDHVBLFDJNVBFVD.
#2- WHEN WILL WE EVER NEED THEM?
the answer?
NEVER.

i feel like im back in high school with this whole ranking thing and its depressing. wasn't the whole point of college to get AWAY from high school?!

and fordham's rules are starting to get gay..since the pres. is making it the #1 catholic university in the nation, theyre cutting back on drinking.. ok.. first thing.. DONT HARVARD STUDENTS GET DRUNK?! yes, yes they do. AND ISNT IT THE BEST COLLEGE IN THE COUNTRY? yes, yes it is.
drinking doesn't equate to how good a college is.. while i don't get shitfaced like some of the drunken alcoholic bastards on campus, i do get into my beer-drinking moods.. so it'll suck, occasionally.

a convo i overheard in my french class..
"so.. like... omg.. U MEAN UR DAD WOULDN'T BUY YOU A NEW BMW?! HOW LIKE TOTALLY LAME IS THAT."
"I know, really... looks like I'll have to settle for that 2005 subaru... i like... literally started to shudder thinking about it, no joke."

haha, that convo speaks for itself.



anyway.


sometimes you have to look beyond the negatives and stay positive.

I'm in the library right now.

It's quiet like you might expect it to be.

Definitely too quiet in here.

Alright, so I just checked my fordham email account for the first time since I got here and I found out that I'm 250 pgs behind in English.
The next exam isnt until the 27th but I think I should start reading.
My prof's ADD is really starting to get to me too.

My astronomy class is a typical huge lecture class in a huge auditorium. I think there's just over 100 ppl in my class but I lost count. Haha, not too good for those who easily get distracted (ie.. me). My prof has a beer belly, has a lisp and is obsessed with well.... outer space. And.. his name is HANS. Yes, Hans.

Anyway,enough with class.

I don't enjoy class.

Except for theatre class.

Yeah.

I'm gunna be on the school newspaper soon.. my first article should come out in a few weeks.
My friend got an internship at good morning america last week through Fordham. All it took was an interview and he got in. I'm def. gunna try and I hear that there's a pretty good chance of getting it. Just gotta remember not to go into the interview wearing jeans. I will admit that Fordham has more connections than I once thought. Maybe working there will sway me into studying broadcast journalism..? Who knows. All I know is that at first I set up bagels for Diane Sawyer and help with odd-jobs-- thennn move on to the bigger and better things if I prove myself to be a good worker. Three times a wk, jacket and tie required, have to be up by 4 am, be at Times Square by 5.

Great.

Goddamn, I have alot of work to do.

But no papers, surprisingly.



Anyway, some weird girl sat down next to me and is giggling like a fucking idiot. Its very reminiscient of a cross between a cheerleader giggle and a Fran Drescher giggle. It's worse than nails on a chalkboard.

back in school.

first day of classes = today.

my french teacher is from africa, and can't understand english. she lives in new rochelle so i hope she doesnt find me somehow.
my english teacher has short-term memory loss (she told us this) and seemingly severe ADD so if you breathe she basically gets distracted.she's a nice lady but every time she speaks she forgets what she said, which then in turn involves constant reminders by the class.. good part is.. we don't have to write a SINGLE paper .. which is weird considering.. its.. english.

guess ill meet the rest tomm. and fri.

my room is so small that i diagnosed myself with claustrophobia.
have the same roommate as last yr and we're pretty damned happy to get rid of peltz (the pothead). its gunna be a yr full of video games and well... trips to the local supermarket. and no, they still don't card.

a strap hangs down from my ceiling and its sorta scary considering that someone could commit suicide with it. attatched to it is a very nice, 5 lb or so metal clip that graciously fell from the ceiling and smacked me in the head.

thanks, fordham.

so there i am.

the lights shone down upon me with a stale, sterile off-white and i walked down the bright, bare hallways.

there was an odd silence.. slight breathing could be heard in room 19 and i whirled my head around and saw the person sitting there, arm outstretched, head turned the other way.

the room i was placed in was cold and smelled of fresh latex and rubbing alcohol.

the white lab coat flew by me, a white piercing flash, and in he came.. a toothy grin, an uncomfortable grin.

i put my arm out, reluctantly mind you, and he took it with a surprising amount of force... he squeezed my arm until a throbbing, green vein bubbled up to the surface of my skin.. out came the alcohol... out came the needle.

the pointed tip pierced right into the vein and it slowly nudged a small hole right into my blood flow...it descended down further and further, ripping away a miniscule piece of skin as it did so.. beads of crimson rolled down my arm and splashed on his sterile shoes... he unknowingly jerked the needle slightly, and the sharp pain of a slightly torn vein danced up and down my arm..

he took it out and there was a single drop of red on the tip. a cotton ball was pressed firmly against the area, a little too firmly.

i left.



.....why i hate doctors who dont know what they're doing while taking blood.

i'm sitting here .. in my room.

i'll need a mircale to get through this week.. i had my french final yesterday.. just came back from my psych. final.. i have 290 pages to learn by thursday and a 10 pg paper to finish.. and.. religion to learn by friday (150 pgs). i just want school to end.
like .. now.



this weekend should be good though.. dan and kelly might come. itll be the last weekend of the year so.. yeah... the floor is getting wasted.


a couple of things i want to say, but i dunno how to say 'em. ill leave it at that.

why is every other college in america done already.

david blaine was cool last night .. i've heard many things about how it's not real etc etc. but i dunno how it CAN'T be real if his skin was falling off and such. he was so disappointed at the end hah. i would be too, if i was training for 2 yrs and was minutes away from breaking a world record.at least i got some cool pics of him the other day .. he waved to me.. and.. i felt.. special or something.

hmmm..yea i just want this wk to end.

AHhHhhHhHhHhHhHHh.... TINKEERRRSSSS.. NO CARDING...MADDDDDD SKETCHINESS.... MATT CHATTING WITH A HOBO AT WHITE CASTLE..
fordham u. is the best place ever.

basement creatures for life foo's.

"GET OFF OF ME YOU CRACKA ASS CRACKA"

jhfvbngfjkngfjg.

im going to bed..tad drunk.

EASTER VACATION FOO'S!!!!!!!!!!!

ROCK ON.

alright.. so everything i was writing got ERASED. fuck that shiz.

anyway..
got my midterm report the other day. HAH. it wasn't.. like.. horrible. but fordham's grading DEFLATION really fucks everyone in the ass. only like 5 or 6 ppl that i know have at least a 3.3; most have 2.5-3.0. in order to do well, you need to be like one of those super genius nerds from Regis.. GODDAMN I HATE THOSE FUCKING BASTARDS...BURN IN HELL.

anyway.

um.
i can drive places :). yeah, i learned. big whoop. i felt like a loser tho :( hah. but not anymore.. i gotz freedom. in a couple of months when i gather up enough courage ill drive to manhattan instead of the train. costly? yes. but it sure beats walking 34785784375447 blocks.
one day... maybe even this summer.. i just wanna take peeps and drive across the country. or at least to florida. roaddd ttripppppppp :).

i opened the cabinet above the stove and tell me how i found PEURTO RICAN VODKA? since when do my parents drink that.. hahahaha. ah well.. COME TO PAPA.. :). im in a drinking mood.. boredom often = alcohol.. the image of my dad chugging peurto rican lime vodka with a maddd high proof just makes me laugh for enternity.

im obsessed with deal or no deal lmao. that show is awesome. howie mandel scares me .. he just has that creepy way about him.. but.. the show is just fun. tell me how someone won 8 DOLLARS yesterday LMAO LMAO.

theres been so many other details but like.. im too lazy..

a nerdy, regis bastard just popped into my head and now im pissed. dfihvgnfdjlhf.

PEACE OUT BITCHNIGS.

Like.

dudes.

im. updating this shiz.


SO.

yeah. fordham kicks ass.

goin' crazy in the BX.

i bunked beds w/ matt and now we have all this extra room.. POOL TABLE??! hells yes. PARRTTYY IN 016 BITCHES. just don't bring the beer. im on housing probation.

:).


um. yeah. things have been going good. adam is . .adam.
matt . . is .. .my homie.

the rest of the floor = awesome.

except for the junior down the hall that got kicked out of junior housing cause he jerked off too much.

im not lying.

my RA means well. but.. he just needs to stop trying to act cool.
its ok if he doesnt have friends.. we all understand.

work is well.... work.
i feel like i should be having more. i watch tv way too much.

hhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

goin' to bridgeport again this weekend.

hm my life is pretty boring .

the white ppl should die speeches in front of the train station were funny back in sept. but now are just getting old. white ppl get the pt. already .. JESUS.

next yr. we finally get rid of adam. ofds,jhnv fdvffdjbv zfdvb
yes.

i hate religion class.
i dont think i even believe in god.
its so ptless.
im prob. getting a job in the admissions office.
i can reject ppl on purpose. hehehe.

this entire entry was retarded.

im sorry.

im tired.

i dont really know what to think right now.

updatin' the journal.

the 2nd half of the break was fun.. went out a lil'.. stayed home. relaxed. etc etc.

came back to fordham on monday!


hm.
so far ive just been around the bronx.. going to bridgeport this weekend for dan's party.
hes gunna have vodka, and ill have some but not to the pt. where i got last time. i learned my lesson.

hm. watched million dollar baby with jen. great movie.

my new classes are cool.. my profs seem tough but its alright. i just want a higher gpa.

i feel sick. should prob. eat something... matt gave me water mixed with protein powder and that was the most putrid thing ive ever tasted.
adam's on probation so matt and i are gunna try to find a nice way to get him out.. the next time he get's drunk (which will be soon), we'll innocently say something to the RA.. then maybe he'll be gone forever. its come to the point where we just despise him. sorta sad i guess and in some weird way i feel bad... but... what am i saying. its adam .

im goin' out tonight ... if i feel better.. but i might as well be strong about it, and go out anyway.


i just feel angry.
i bet adam is the cause of it.
and my stomach.
grrrrrrr.

yeah.. 2005 is . . .over.
wow.
ive read like 5 different entries on 2005 and they all said basically the same thing- "2005 has been a year of big changes" .. and i think thats true. ive become more independent and all of that crap.. starting to think differently.. 2005 has been the biggest whirlwind of a year and it has included some of the best moments of my life. 2005 has been a good launching pad to begin 2006 and im prepared for what 2006 has to offer.
woah.
that was deep.

heh.

so for new years i was gunna go to the ball but it was a tad... uh h.. crowded. so chilled at SVA on 23rd and even on 23rd it was crazy. hung out with kelly, and of course the coolest asian dude, chris. the asian-sensation if you will. it was interesting. and GREG from NRHS!! was there.. although... im sure he was too high to remember what happened. . then there was the stale vodka in the refrig. that tasted like shit. so we got drunk off of diet coke. watched dick on tv.. heh..oo and watched the 40 yr old virgin for the 4734747344 time. i love that movie :)
once it hit midnight, all of 23rd lit up with firecrackers and at first i seriously thought that there were terrorists.
"BIN LADEN... WHERE????"
lmao.

hm.
went to the 23rd street subway at 'round 2 . witnessed a huge fight b/w a gf and her bf.. he pushed her down the stairs and there was blood coming out from her head.. everyone down there like.. froze.
the police came , i think when i got on the train.
then of course on the metro north theres some drunk prick who gets beaten up by a cop which was amusing.

came back. fell asleep.


post ur new years resolutions bitches
:)